Don’t Give Up!

As I’m tossing and turning in bed, I hear voices all around me.  They mutter things that don’t make any sense, like, “She’ll be better soon,” or, “She’s past the worst.”  I can’t quite seem to un-jumble my thoughts.  Whenever I tried they just tangled themselves up again.  Someone murmurs something.  “Water.”  Was that me?  It didn’t sound anything like the judging, worried voices.  At least it’s not as bad as yesterday.  Yesterday I couldn’t hear anything at all, like my ears were full of cotton wool.  Am I dead?  Yes, I think I might be.  If not, I’m close to it.  I try to think what it might be like, to fall asleep and never wake up.  I find the thought rather comforting.  My breathing steadies, and I hear someone, my mother?  She calls out, and I can only just make out the words: “Don’t give up!  Hold onto me and never let go!  Please!”  I can hear the urgency in voice as she grips my hand.  Something cold presses against my chest over and over and I know that they’re checking for a heartbeat.  My mind seems to go on a journey, to the life-stream, where I am a thread off merging with the stream.  I feel it’s gentle but firm pull and suddenly I am content to just give up and let it pull me in.  But then I remember my mother’s urgent words.  Don’t give up, I tell myself fiercely.  Maybe if I wish for it badly enough it will happen?


I hear gasps of surprise as I open my eyes and know that I have done it.  I didn’t give up.  My mother squeals with delight and lets go of my hand and hugs me.  She had been holding my hand so tightly that it had gone purple, and I am almost certain that it is badly bruised.  She kisses my face all over, despite the doctor’s warnings that it might still be dangerous.  She hugs me tight, refusing to let go.  Even though I am still aware that my life hangs by a thin line, I am reluctant to let that ruin this golden moment.  My memories come rushing back.  Each of them seem to be full of sadness or mystery.  A word, my name, floats into my head, bringing back my personality, something I was sure I had lost forever.  Syriya

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